Trials of a Best Man

The phone rings and the caller ID shows it's my long time friend K. He is excited to tell me that he had finally set the date for his wedding. I respond with, Great! It's about time! He quickly follows with the date and informs me that I would be his best man. He reminded me that the position had already been promised to me and I agreed way back in High School. What could I say?

I agreed of course and he briefly barraged me with ideas he had about the wedding, locations, and of course the bachelor party and quickly hung up to get back to work. I was left with my thoughts. A panic slowly set in about what I had just agreed too. I wondered, what do I have to do? Do I have enough time to do everything that was expected of me while living 400 miles away? I calmed myself by convincing myself that I just had to take care of the bachelor party, throw some rice at the wedding and make sure he doesn't run away. How hard can it be?

After talking to a couple of people and doing some research I realized that getting him to the wedding and married is the goal but I was warned that it was not as easy at it sounded. You're probably thinking, as I was, throw a good bachelor party (a nice relaxing night discussing the joys of marriage) and my duties are over. No my friends there is a lot more to it and I tried to remember as much as I could to share them here.

Bachelor Party
To every guy that knows the groom, this topic seems to be the most important. Although the groom likes the idea of having fun with his friends for the last time while single most of the pressure and taunting comes from the friends. The important thing here is to work with the groom to figure out what he expects from this night and what he thinks the overall budget of his friends might be.

This is especially the case if you don't always hang out with the same group of friends. Figure out time frames, is it going to be one night for a couple of hours or an entire weekend somewhere.

Start thinking about this early. It takes a while to get everyone's contact information and communicate the date and time(especially if it's more than a day event). Everyone involved will give you their two cents about what would be best. In the end, it's about as far as they are willing to be involved with the actual planning. It will come down to the best man and a couple of other good friends to pull through and make the event fun and worthwhile.

Lessons learned:

• Don't be afraid to take control and plan the event in detail
  
• Have contingency plans
  
• Have extra money
  

Tuxedo

The groom will normally pick out the Tuxedo or what he wants you to wear. Just make sure that he does this at least a month in advance and hopes he has some style sense.

Lessons learned:

• You can get a sizing at Mens Warehouse for free! Great idea if you don't live in the same town and cannot make it to the rental shop.
• Don't procrastinate!
  

Speech
Everyone has an opinion about how the speech should be prepared. Some people think it should be done on ad lib. Others think that it should be well thought out and deep, others funny and everywhere in between. I suggest that you start at least thinking about it well in advance. What also helps is having a template to work off of. The template will take you through your years as friends. Writing the speech is actually fun because you remember all the fun and hard times you have gone through and how through it all your still friends.

Lessons Learned

• Write it early and try to memorize most of it. I did this last minute and could not get it memorized and it made it harder
• Write from the heart
• Don't try to be funny just be sincere, if parts are funny they are, if they are not, don't force it.

Travel
Hopefully the groom tells you about the wedding well in advance. If your in the same city it's no big deal but make sure that everyone that might be traveling from out of town either for the bachelor party or wedding is well informed of all options. If you are from out of town make sure to book your tickets early and plan, plan, plan.

Lessons Learned:

• Southwest has some good deals if you book early
  

Rehearsals

For some cultures it's tradition for everyone in the wedding party to get together to rehearse what is supposed to happen the day of the wedding (good luck with that). The rehearsal is followed by a gathering (in our case dinner) to celebrate, catch up and cheer the bride and groom to be. The best man duties are pretty easy during this phase, just get there on time and watch everyone else and try not to laugh as they are confused by the easiest directions. Make sure to take note where others need to be, you will probably be asked the day of the wedding because no one is paying attention.

Lessons Learned

• People will be late
  
• People will not show up
  
• Most of it is tradition and no one in the end will know what they are doing
  
• This is the time to enjoy being the best man it's the easiest part
  

Wedding Day
This day made me realize that everything before this as a best man doesn't mean anything. This is the day when you could be asked to be everything and everywhere at once, unless maybe if you have a professional wedding planner. I have always been a wedding goer, which is easy. Making sure that everything works out perfect behind the scenes is where the challenge is. In reality behind the scenes is a small group of people making sure that everything is going accordingly. What I should say is that while the bride gets ready you and the groom try to do everything else!

Be prepared to be the decorator, choffeur, extra car driver, personal assistant, and anything and everything you can think of in between. Try to get something that looks like a plan from the groom to be and then be prepared that everything will go wrong. The plan is flexible, because everyone will be stressed out and as I said before, what might go wrong, will.

The job of a best man starts when you wake up and doesn't really end until the day is over. The good news is that most of the hard work happens from the morning to the minute before the wedding starts. The challenge is getting everything and everyone to the actual wedding in one piece especially the groom.

Lessons Learned

• Plan to spend the whole day with the groom
• Cell phone should be charged and ready to use
• Be patient
  
• Plan something to eat, even if you have to make sandwiches because once the day starts it does not end (I learned this the hard way)
  
• Prepare yourself to be creative, a problem solver and always thinking one step ahead
• Be patient
• Don't get drunk
  
• Try and get a plan from the groom well in advance of the day, that way you can help plan it or do some tasks in parallel and you have a check off list throughout the day
• Make sure that all articles of clothing are accounted before the day even starts (i.e. Ties, Shoes, etc)
• Manage all paperwork that needs to be handled
• Rings - Do not lose the rings and get them early.
  
• Bring a hand towel for the groom and probably one for yourself. Remember your the personal assistant
• Don't get drunk.
• Drive the groom to the church if you value your life

Nice to have

• Best Man Utility Belt - Should include, wire cutters, duck tape, towel, cell phone holder, pen and paper, drink holder, wallet holder, key rings...

Reception
Once the wedding is over it's almost time to be able to relax. All you need to do now is take pictures, sign paperwork, take more pictures and find a ride to the reception. When arriving at the reception location make sure that everything seems to be in place and everyone knows where they are going. Be prepared to take initiative if something is not right because more than likely no one else will solve it. They are to busy taking pictures, drinking, etc.

• Crowd Control - Do not be afraid to direct the crowd to the locations they need to be
  
• Food - Make sure the catering company has everything they need.
  
• Make sure any toasting glasses and anything special to that wedding are un packed, un wrapped and easily accessible.
  
• DJ - Make sure he is paid.
• DJ - If your DJ is also the MC make sure that you work out the entering of the bride and groom. It is important that they know the name of the bride and groom as well as any other members of the wedding party that is supposed to be announced.
• DJ - Note for those planning the wedding. Is the DJ recommended, if you get a chance go to an event and make sure they know what they are doing.
  
• Seating - Make sure everyone has seating, if they do not take control and work with the venue to get them seating

In Conclusion

The position requires dedication, money and a lot of work. The most important thing to remember is take control when it is called for and be the buffer between everything and the groom. Being a best man is a pain in the ass! It's all worth it when In the end you can sit back and know that you are an integral part of making sure the groom is happy and married and starts on the rest of his life on a happy note. That in itself makes everything worth it.

Note:
I am sure that I have forgotten stuff or blocked it out of my mind. If you can think of anything else or any pointers please feel free to share!